Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Nicky Thundercats versus the Pumas of war

Nicky dove as the first timed explosion rocked the pier. Splinters of wood drove into him and the shockwave knocked him off his feet into the water, he dove further to escape the heavy machine guns erupting from the dockside bunkers. Tearing away at the splinters he could reach, some as thick as a dart, he pulled himself deeper. Even underwater he heard the clumsy whup whup whup of an assault helicopter getting closer.

Nicky had to act fast. Pulling a 10 minute microlung from its velco safety sleeve at his shoulder he bit down on the rubber nipple and forced his lungs to breathe slowly. Ogladam Puma, a television fanatic, and Gram Puma, a video game addict, would not give up until they killed him.

With swift underwater strokes he quickly left the burning pier behind and reached his cache of scuba gear, just a rebreather and long fins.

Silent and invisible, he swam down deeper and headed for open water.

On the burning pier, Ogladam and Gram hoped it had been worth it. This elaborate ruse.

Nicky had it coming. The virus he unwittingly carried away from this attack, from a dart fired at the moment of the explosion, would deal with him.

It would deal with his whole operation in South America. The Outfit was finished.

Their most hated enemy, now their avenger.

The Puma brothers didn't smile. Had they been what they were not, they would have.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

so so... not bad

But I would have to think some time to decide to buy / read the whole story.

Bulent Akman said...

Thank you for the comment! I have a confession to make. I use this blog for the literary equivalent of thumbnail sketches, sometimes the story carries them beyond the scope of the blog (8 min genre mashups) so each entry may appear to be a complete story but not all of them. In fact, some of them will be collected in a print-on-demand 'best of b8a' collection later this year.

All that aside, I agree with your comment and would have the same reservations. Having said that, were I to flesh this out into a full destroyer/bourne novel I would certainly have to do some:
1. heavy plotting.
2. deep character development
3. have a highly plausible premise to justify the highly improbable story.
4. drive the action forward on the basis of those 3 things alone.

Check back soon!

I did put a collection of 8 longer stories not from the blog out as a print-on-demand paperback which is available at http://stores.lulu.com/bulent if you're curious.

p.s. I enjoyed the entire harry potter series but I won't write one because I don't enjoy writing stories where characters can escape tight corners with unestablished magic. It smacks of 'with a flick of his wrists, jack was free' and were I ever to finish a fantasy novel, I would aspire to an internally consist reality such as one finds on the Discworld.

Anonymous said...

question - did you thought a lot during writing this or not really?

Bulent Akman said...

writing the story or writing the comment?

If it was about the story, I think as I write, I try to write all my ideas down in the blog, they may stimulate me or someone else to write something better using the same elements. I believe writers can write well if they don't write often and a lot. Is this one good enough for the 'best of b8a' collection? No. It had the light tone and outrageous situations I needed to write about at the time.

If you're asking about my comment. Yes. I thought about it deeply. If I'm not writing, I'm thinking about writing, sometimes this means my life starts to take shape like a novel. I try to avoid that. Living is complicated enough without putting a narrative frame on things. people who do that frequently exaggerate their problems and multiply those of others. At least the ones I've met.

Thank you for your question!