Sunday, October 01, 2006

superb shallow screws

Felix got up that morning the same way he always got up. Breakfast was also uneventful.

Then he grabbed his things for work and locked the door behind him.

Once in his car, he drove very slowly in the far left lane or very quickly, tailgating, in the far right lane. When he got to work, he parked in someone else's spot then went to his fiftieth floor office directly from the parking level.

Although people hurried to catch his elevator, he held his finger (guess which one) firmly over the 'close door' button and nobody made it in time.

Once at his desk he rose immediately and walked to the reception area and borrowed several pens he would not be returning. He then walked around the office looking for collegues busy working and whenever he found one proceeded to talk at them until they couldn't work and had to excuse themselves to either the kitchen or the washroom.

He did this all morning.

At lunch he went for a walk on the bicycle path completely ignoring the angry cries buzzing past him. In fact, the furious cyclists inspired him. He 'borrowed' a bike that had been left outside a convenience store and cycled over to the nearest intersection where he very carefully and slowly fell on top of a pedestrian who had been waiting for the lights to change.

He didn't give the pedestrian an opportunity to hit him but rather quickly cycled back to work.

Along the way he scratched and dented several parked cars.

All afternoon he surfed porn on his computer and whenever the receptionist asked about the missing pens he claimed not to have them anymore.

On his way out at the end of the day he yelled at the receptionist for not informing him about something everybody else somehow knew about and the shamefaced poor creature didn't have the courage to correct him.

As he backed out of the parking space that wasn't his he ignored the note on his windsheild and rather focused on ensuring that in backing out he scratched (quite badly) the car beside his.

Once he got home, he yelled at his neighbors and slammed his door shut.

All in all a productive day.

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