Sunday, January 14, 2007

sleuth earnings humdinger

Today on Lifestyles of the Reasonably Comfortable and Reclusive we're joined by Johnson Senderwax, A published author under several household pseudonyms.

Regular viewers of LOTRCAR will have noticed that the customary establishing shots are absent on this episode.

In fact I, your host, Jeremy Brocklehurst, have not been permitted to reveal anything about the exterior of Mr. Senderwax's home.

Yes! Finally, in the half-season long history of LOTRCAR we have made contact with an actual full-concept hermit!

"Mr. Senderwax."
"You can call me Joe."
"Joe, thank you, and how long have you been a recluse?"
"Oh, since I could afford it, Jeremy, about 12 years."
"You have a lovely home here, and the lap pool is quite unusual."
"Heh, yeah, my architect nearly had a brain fart-can I say fart?"
"-it's cable, you can speak freely Joe."
"Superb, okay, so, he nearly had a brain fart when I asked for an underground lap pool 12 feet wide and 300 feet long."
"And the reason?"
"I always wanted to watch tv while swimming so the floor of the lap pool is optical grade glass with bank after bank of widescreen high definition tv's. no other light sources."
"What about sound?"
"waterproof wireless bone induction headphones, I subcontracted to Oakley and H2Audio for those."
"And how many laps does a whole movie take?"
10, 15 if it's a long movie."
"Heh, not really, I'm not as young as I used to be!"
"And is it true that if you slow down-"
"-yeah, the image starts to dim! I installed that myself! Motion sensors in the ceiling!"

Jeremy turned to face the camera.

"After the commercial break, we'll be visiting Mr. Senderwax's Planetarium! Bought in Toronto Canada and lovingly dissassembled and reassembled on Mr. Senderwax's private estate!"

[commercial break]

During the commercial break:

"Nothing beats the McLaughlin Planetarium for an unforgettable experience Jeremy."
"I can't believe the Royal Ontario Museum sold it, It's one of the best in North America and now it's ensuite to your bedroom?"
"They didn't know what they had, it was my deal of a lifetime."
"What do you watch there?"
"Stars mostly, southern hemisphere constellations, and laser shows."

[end commercial break]

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